Dena's Musings

Let's face it. A lot of women women can't pluck items right off retail store racks and expect them to fit.

TV viewers who follow TLC Channel’s  What Not to Wear  are everywhere. Just ask any group of women huddled in conversation and there will be at least one or two who know the names of the show’s stars, Stacy London and Clinton Kelly. These two fashion aficionados miraculously transform not only the facades, but also the self-perceptions of the female ‘victims’ who have been nominated by family and friends to receive a wardrobe, hair and cosmetic makeover because they need an intervention.

What is fascinating when watching these TV show transformations is that many of these women agonize over clothes shopping. Think of it. Many actually hate to shop, just when everyone thought shopping was in a woman’s DNA. One of the reasons they cite is that they have bodies for which they cannot summarily pluck items off the rack and expect them to fit their figures perfectly, so they just give up on ever finding clothes that fit. The show’s hosts point out that pants that fit a woman’s hips properly might not necessarily fit that same woman’s waist. Jackets that fit a voluptuous chest or broad shoulders may hang like a box instead of skimming a figure flatteringly. Bodies literally can change shape as the years progress, say the experts, so they advise their subjects to dress for the bodies they have now – not the ones they may have had ten or fifteen years ago.

The complaint that women can’t find clothing that fits is more an American phenomenon than a universal one. European women have used the services of dressmakers for years, choosing fabric and pattern while leaving the fit up to a skilled expert. Dressmakers and tailors are not in huge supply here in these United States, however, so most Americans are instead left to mercies of clothing store racks.

Fashion experts London and Kelly do have a solution, however. They advise women to fit their largest dimensions, no matter what the size, and get the rest of the clothing piece professionally altered to flatter their figures and fit properly. So if getting custom alterations is the answer, women are now faced with the dilemma buying high quality (higher priced) pieces that will stand the test of time and get them altered, or resort to big-box racks of less expensive clothing for which the cost of alterations may seem frivolous.

El Dorado Hills, CA-based master tailor JawidNader of EDH Custom Tailoring and alterations says that a full 95% of women and men will not find clothes to fit them off the rack. “Fit good to feel good,” is his mantra. “Clothes that fit you give you more satisfaction and you end up wearing them more often.”

Mary Sullivan Trivett, Sacramento, CA Nordstrom’s personal stylist and manager, is quick to agree. “Women tend to wear only 20% of their wardrobe,” she admits, “and they wear those clothes 80% of the time. Their closets may be filled to capacity, but (sadly) some clothes will remain unused in perpetuity. And I can’t tell you how often have I heard my clients say that they literally have ‘nothing to wear!’” Trivett says it’s all about the basics. “Buy classics,” she advises. “If they say you shouldn’t grocery-shop when you’re hungry, then don’t shop for clothes at the last minute, when you’re desperate.” She admits that there has to be a ‘wow’ factor, especially with accessories, but she also recommends avoiding trends and instead encourages her clients to buy things they truly love.

Shopping for clothing has become a more interesting task, now that there are more ways to shop for clothes than ever before. The Internet has taken a share of the market, with all the major department stores, clothing stores and even small boutiques cyber-displaying their lines. Purely online sites, like bluefly.com and Zappos.com have strong followings, along with storefront-online JCrew.com , Macys.com and Nordstrom.com .

There is an old English proverb that goes, “Show me your horse and I will tell you what you are.”  Nothing seems more true now that I spent an entire day watching, listening to and learning from Buck Brannaman, a man who travels all over the world not so much to teach horses about how to understand humans, but about teaching humans how their horses are reflections of themselves.

I realize I am dating myself, but from the time I saw kids riding horses on the  Mickey Mouse Club  until now, I have been a horse person trapped in a suburban girl’s body. Admiring the grace and majesty with which horses have served humankind, my love affair sometimes found me with either a western or an English saddle between me and one of these magnificent animals. Sensing my pain, my mother would occasionally take pity on me and drive me the thirty miles to the nearest state park, where she would hand over a few dollars for someone to take me on a one-hour trail ride on an old, gentle horse whose goal was to finish a day of carrying rookies on his back.  My “wannabe” rider days persisted until I could afford to pay for my own English riding lessons in my twenties.  But even that experience was short-lived when my trainer gave up his ranch gig to get a white-collar job. I could no doubt count on one hand the number of times I have been riding since then. 

Now decades later, the PBS documentary,  Buck,  found my spouse and I riveted to the flat screen after accidentally stumbling across it on cable TV. We watched as a blue-eyed, soft-spoken Buck Brannaman presented his horse-training methods through footage of several of his famed  four-day clinics , filmed in various locations in the U.S.  Because Brannaman’s perspectives deal as much with human life as it does about horses, however, we have since watched the documentary repeatedly. This prompted us to look up locations online for his upcoming horse-training clinics in California. When we found one a mere 2 ½ hours away in the salt-of-the-earth town of Red Bluff, we decided to plan a weekend around it just to see this man in action.

Donning the cool cowboy hats we had purchased in Sedona and pairing up boots with our jeans so we could blend in with the crowd, we joined hundreds of others in the indoor fair grounds arena bleachers.  Young ladies in the stands took copious notes as riders and their never-been-ridden colts filled the arena, hoping to gain wisdom from Brannaman’s advice on how to “start” them – the term now used in place of “breaking” horses.   In a makeshift paddock in the middle of the arena, on the ground was a real “horse whisperer” (a man who actor/producer/director Robert Redford called in an expert consultant for the movie by the same name), with his signature flat-brimmed hat, a long, flimsy red flag in one hand and a lead rope in the other. As he coaxes a young paint to follow his prompts over and over and over again with interminable patience, Brannaman explains (using his “Madonna” microphone) precisely what he is doing, virtually crawling inside the head of the horse each time he elaborates. He constantly draws common-sense parallels to raising children, makes jokes along the way and delights the crowd and the other horse owners with his ease, his gentleness and his second-nature understanding of the beautiful beasts. 

A little background is in order here, however. Having lost their mother by the time Buck was five, Brannaman and his older brother were the products of extreme child abuse at the hands of a father whose goal was to catapult his two prodigious sons into the limelight as roping stars. All the while, he severely beat them into submission when no one else was looking.  Eventually, a school employee noticed bruises and body marks and alerted authorities. That led to a loving set of foster parents rescuing the brothers from their terrifying environment, doing all they could to soothe wounds that will forever run deep. 

It is not coincidental, then, that Brannaman became an anti-abuse advocate, demonstrating how a steady hand, a consistent message, firmness, affection and understanding produce superbly-trained horses without a single verbal command nor a single angry word being uttered.  Having been mentored by expert Ray Hunt, (who learned from horse training veteran Tom Dorrance), Brannaman credits his knowledge to him during his clinics, while acknowledging the important role the love and support his foster parents played in his life. He has us in awe as he transforms a young horse that at first resists his efforts, bucking and snorting at the end of a rope, into a compliant student responding to pats on the head and strokes on the neck. As Brannaman directs the horse with a light two-fingered grasp of the lead rope at the end of the training sessions, jaws drop, people shake their heads and many of us are forever changed by what we see. 

“Your horse is a mirror to your soul,” says Brannaman.  “Sometimes you might not like what you see. But whether you have horses, dogs, or kids, with that comes a great responsibility.  You have to be able to teach them to get along in the world.” 

Are there other Buck Brannamans in the world?  Undoubtedly others throughout history have discovered this positive approach to horse training, but few have become as well-known as Brannaman, who for the past few decades has spent 42 weeks of the year on the road teaching his life/horse philosophy.  All I know is that few experiences over the past few years have touched me as much as what I witnessed this past weekend.  Indeed -- life still holds its surprises.

When describing myself to others, I have always characterized my persona in terms of being a results-oriented chick with a penchant for getting things done fairly quickly.  Sometimes it’s a curse (who knows what spending more time on something might have produced?), but most of the time it’s a blessing to have this personality quirk. Why? I figured out at one point that it keeps me from sweating the small stuff and leaves me in a constant state of “thrill” about things.

Like other women, I love to shop.  Instead of going to five different stores to find the perfect pencil skirt, I will go into a store, find one that fits and looks good, and even if it’s a few bucks more than I would have spent, walk out with it with a smile on my face.  While other women who make snap decisions may come home with the nagging feeling that they might have found a better skirt at a better price if they had just looked around longer, I flop my shopping bags on the bed, eminently happy with my fait accompli.  In that sense, I suppose I am more like a man, just like some song lyrics from a number in the musical My Fair Lady .

Sometimes I can’t distinguish between the conquest high I feel of finding something quickly or the giddy part of me that just falls in love easily.  Once smitten, however, nine times out of ten I remain loyal to my decision.  It is extremely rare I find myself standing in a refund line.  Call it trusting my instincts or call it foolhardy.  I think my stress level remains low because of it and at my age, that’s a very good thing.

I even tend to do this in my work life as a freelance writer. I may be giving you a peek into my secret little world, but take, for instance, a number of looming projects on writing deadlines.  I pride myself in meeting or exceeding deadlines whenever those gauntlets are thrown in my path. I have to admit, however, that I handle them almost the same way I do clothes shopping. I trust my gut and, like a writing maniac, wait for my inspiration, get the project finished in record time and then sit back and admire it for awhile, only heightening my excitement for it before it’s time to send it off to my client.   

Just as I might try on my new pencil skirt several times before I wear it, I revisit my work over and over again, more than earning my hourly or project fee.  If it needs a nip here and a tuck there, I may send it to the alterations person (in the case of writing, ME), but it does not lessen my love for it.  I can return to my work over and over again, make a few tweaks, but still know in my gut that it’s what I wanted it to reflect about 99% of the time. 

In writing about this trait of mine, it may appear to others that I am a short-cutter. This may be true, but I don’t see it as a bad thing.  Finding ways to live more efficiently while keeping your sanity are, to me, just as important as doing the best that you can do.  When we take an important exam, we are told by test-taking experts to trust our first instincts on marking answers instead of going through the entire exam and second-guessing ourselves.  “Educated guessing,” then, is no curse and can be a godsend at times.

Are you like me?  Of course, using one person’s tactics may backfire on someone else, but I think it’s important not to beat yourself up for going with the work (or shopping!) style that works for you, as I have sometimes done in the past to myself.   In the big scheme of things, trusting your gut may be the biggest gift you can give your blood pressure.

Web site: Communic8or.com,  Dena  Kouremetis' freelance writing service located in northern California.

Web site: Communic8or.com,  Dena  Kouremetis' freelance writing service located in northern California.

Often when I have the opportunity to meet with a prospective client who is considering using me to ghostwrite a blog, help with a newsletter, re-write their bio or help with any other number of writing projects, I am asked about how I can help them with social media, web site design or even graphics.

Do I know much about any of these other services?  Sure.  In fact, I have a DANGEROUS knowledge of what they do, which is why I must admit that I am not an expert in ANY of those things.

Words are my drug of choice -- the tools I use to make ordinary people sound like the rock stars they really are as well as showcase their talents and experience in their chosen businesses.  Most of us have something we are really good at, though.  Just because writing is not something you enjoy, are stellar at or can take the time to do doesn't mean you're not the most talented insurance broker, financial planner, attorney, closet organizer or aesthetician in your area.

Truth be told,  most people have not had any instruction in writing since college or even high school, yet they are called upon to be excellent communicators in print or online. Can you even sit down and write a five-paragraph essay any more?  That's okay, because I can't advise people on how to invest their money, defend themselves in court, or build a house.  But I can write about any of those things by doing research and using well-chosen, carefully crafted words.

Like an aerobics instructor who spends most of his or her days in workout clothes, I spend my time in my "grubbies" behind my iMac screen writing nearly every day of the week. Writing has rules, it has a cadence and for me, it even has a formula. It's similar to how your personal trainer knows what to do when warming you up, putting you through your paces and how avoid injuring your back while tightening up your abs.

Why are freelance writers in such demand these days?  Because the cyber-written word represents us on a global scale in this medium we call the Internet.  Whether we are trying to fill in our web sites touting who we are and what we do, informing potential clients about what is new, giving them points to ponder in our blogs or just using the proper words to convey our message on a simple brochure, the words we use cause people to judge us in so many ways.  They judge our education level, our ability to communicate in general, what we do and how we do it, and even the passion with which we do it -- all by how our words on the computer screen or iPad or smartphone speak to them.

Did you know that more than 75% of consumers will go online and Google (who knew that word would become a verb...) before they'll even begin considering using someone's services or buying their product?  Whether it's to get information on pricing, look at photos, read about what to expect or even find out what other people have said about you, most consumers will do their own due diligence before laying out the cash or signing on the dotted line.  For instance, I might look on Yelp.com before I choose someone to fix a dent in my car door.   What people say about your body shop there MIGHT make we want to check out a web site or two. Most of the time, however, I'll just keep web surfing until what I find a person or company that seems like a good fit.   This only goes to illustrate that if the words that represent you don't match up with someone's ideal of the expert you're supposed to be, your credibility is dismissed in a matter of seconds. We have developed shorter and shorter attention spans because we have the world at our fingertips, so to speak.

Services like mine can be one-trick pony assignments, like providing edgy wording for your web site home page or writing your bio or they can be ongoing with regular blogging and newsletters that drive potential prospects to your web site and help your "brand" move up in the Google search rankings.  It's easy for me to explain why I love what I do because, like any job we do that we are passionate about, my profession offers so much more than a mere income.  I help companies win coveted awards, tell a family's history, or even write "elevator speeches" so small business people know what to say about themselves in networking groups.  When you think about it, professional copywriters are behind every TV show, commercial, speech, movie, book, branding message,  and advertisement you see. But pay no attention to the man (or woman) behind the curtain. People just don't know we're here.

Okay. So now you're expecting me to come up with something profound to say:  I write, therefore I am?

But we freelancers don't just write.  We write for YOU and can often make you sound better than you can in your own words.  And that, my dears, is what makes all the difference.